haunted room, multiple prevalent victories, and creativity + progress that needs to catch up...

I'm back, and at a mediocre state.  I currently need multiple wake-up calls, to get myself moving once again, in all aspects.  After briefly skimming through my previous posts, I noticed my wit and optimism shining through whatever, and the power that supplies that is my willpower.  Every time I've written here, I've always been in a creative or narrative mood, I'll tell a story or say whats on my mind, but with my constant laziness nowadays I need to get a fire lit under my ass to get me moving again.  Bottom line is, I need inspiration.
Now to the hot topics... I've moved to a different apt., and my room is much colder than my old one.  In the old one, only the closet was abnormally chilly, but now its the whole room.  It's clearly not haunted, but the temperature feels like it, its really a draft coming from my wide window.
Victory is usually a good thing, a feeling and an honor all-in-one.  It takes work and will to achieve it, and if you haven't noticed yet, I'm talking about positive, good-mannered victories.  On the other hand, the (seemingly) victorious feelings that your enemies relish in, make you feel down and lost, and that contributes to whats slowing me down nowadays, 'cause I care about (seemingly) petty things like family-friendships that are 99.9% exclusive, like the bacteria that lives when you use Lysol.  Sadly when I'm around a certain group of people that I'll treat like Voldemort, I turn into putty and melt away out of either fear? anxiety? awe? I haven't figured out exactly yet, but I pray I will soon.  Going back on topic, not all victories are in your favor, when you "lose" you just don't realize that the latter "wins".  I'd like to praise the recent victories of those whom I care about:  FC Barçelona footballers for their amazing 5-0 victory over madrid, + others (can't remember off the top of my head).
And so we reach our last point (for now), and we get to my diminishing progress with the Dream and other things regarding it.  Usually all I have to do is listen to some inspiring music (I'll try again later) to get me started back up again, but there are some special instances when I need a little bit more of a pick me up to get me moving, like now.  God is the best remedy, but very unexpected he delivers, but it is guaranteed.  Patience to me leads to idleness and so I always need to keep on moving forward, how I plan to resume walking on this road, I have no clue, but willpower is my water.  Let this be a message to my future self to show you what sedentary movement does to you, and how much better you could do with will and faith.  Stay standing and survive through the winter, stress is the mastermind... "This is my Winter Song to you..." Noche...

fancy 2nd place, my cry for misfortune, and the separatist movement which calls for insurgency...

Now I made the title for this post last weekend or so (which almost always happens nowadays) and I have no choice but to rely on vivid memory to supply this post (I should really stop making drafts, I've already had to declare the last draft: dead).  As I write this post at 11:22 PM (mm/dd of b-day lol), and listen to the Latina songstress Shakira, Memory, please take me away...
Now last weekend last year's Vocal Jazz group at PEHS which I'm in, entered a tri-state a-cappella contest and sung Voicedance (go check it out) and in a Glee-like whim, also sung What A Wonderful World (check that out too) unrehearsed.  Our performance was not like the other contestants', performance-wise, we weren't as showy  as the other (4) groups, but somehow we still placed as 1st Runner-Up! which to me is just a fancy way to say 2nd place.  Even without knowing the criteria and not performing at our fullest capacity, we still somehow beat the other 3 groups!  You may not understand, but this is a very big deal for us, it gave us a better understanding of our vocal quality, etc. Thankfully this wasn't the only significant thing that happened that weekend.
I found out in many occurrences that weekend, that I somehow long for misfortune and such.  I purposely neglect some of what I have, just to feel whole... I don't know if that's normal or not, but I want it to stop.  I want to make the best of what I have, not the best of some of the things I have (does that make sense?).
The last thing I wanna talk about that struck me this weekend was an article I read about my favorite football (soccer) club, FCB (you should know what that is, if not, just Google it and it'll show).  This particular article wasn't about the sport, the players, or the matches, it was more political, it talked about the recent limitations, the governing body of FCB, has put on club membership.  This really struck fans everywhere, member or non-member, as it has a ripple effect.  Membership to FCB has been limited to local and familial candidates, due to the surge of memberships from the club's treble last year.  This ruling has contradicted the slogan/motto of the club itself, "Mes qué un club" which means "more than a club".  The bottom line is that it undermines tradition and has no significant meaning to it (for there are many other options to take), and the only possible reason for the board's action, is the one thing many people do not want associated with the club, and that is elitism.  I've given this event a name, the separatist movement, for this will not only segregate fans unintentionally, but will also cause revolt within the club, or in the best case scenario, an insurgency or maybe a harmless coup, to overrule this new ruling.  So as for now, I and many others can only wait for the day this is changed... and thats all for tonight, I'll see if I can do something this week here, adios.

recaps, recoveries, and the fluctuations of life...

This past week, I've only found stress... "To dream anything that you want to dream, that's the beauty of the human mind.  To do anything that you want to do, that's the strength of the human will.  To trust yourself to test you limits, that's the courage to succeed" (NNNGU-FBPage)


--a week passes from the time that ^ that^ was written, up til' now--


Now first and foremost, I'd like to say sorry for stalling so long, and now its been a little more than two weeks since my last post, and that is atrocious.  Ill probably double up today, assuming that there won't be any distractions, then I'll get back on track, or might switch back to the VLOGs, IDK.  But speaking of VLOGs, since I'm 90% busy all the time, I'm probably gonna go back to VLOGs.  The reason is as clear as day, Blogging is good for free-time, and VLOGging is good for time-crunches.  So watch out for intermittent switch ups now and then.  This post will probably be based on memory and bias, because I can't remember something recent, that long ago (does that make sense?).  So I can't really recap what happened two weeks ago, but I do recall having lots of stress and obligations on my shoulders, and with the help of hope and God, I've gotten those lifted off me and I'm trudging on in life, still climbing that road, tripping at times, falling and scraping a knee or two, but nevertheless getting back up and climbing harder. And that is my recovery.  Life does fluctuate up and down, for everyone of course, some rise above others, some choose to go under, and sometimes the choice isn't always theirs to make... but when things run thin and you feel like you're about to fall, hang onto hope and never give up.  I can never emphasize that enough for the things, good and seemingly bad, that happen in life just continue to flow down, and in the end we'll all make it someway, somehow. Thanks God. I'll see you shortly...

response, bullets, and yellow (card) fever

"You just try to keep your head up and stay positive going forward" - "target".  that is the mystery man that I look up to as a human role model.  I probably won't mention his identity any time soon, and it'll probably just stay a mystery unless you're clever, psychic, or stalk me. haha.  So this post was supposed to be a weekend update, but somehow it turned into a Monday relief, and I'm kinda happy about that. I'm content with how things are going at the moment, with most things; mostly with people and the fact that I'm inching back into track with the school year.  I still continue to hope and pray that things go uphill.  The main events of the week are stated below...
One of the things I'm most thankful for is the continuity of my quest to get pen-palling, and I've recently regained contact with one girl from Barcelona at around my age, and I'm thankful that I can still make friends especially with all the hidden issues at the moment... But the point is that I've been having consistent contact with her and we're getting along.
Now with the bullets, I say that those are my underlying problems coated with suspicion and doubt.  But with help from God, music, values, integrity, and hope, I prevail and become "bulleeeeetproooooff" haha La Roux... but music has been the most obvious helper to me in front of my eyes, whether its listening to new tracks, dancing, or playing the piano, I find inspiration and solution.  I thank God for my musical mind :D.  I've been listening to some new tracks, either hip-hop or new soul or techno... it helps.  Positivity = +
Yellow fever! No, not the one that caused an epidemic in Alaska way back when.  I'm talking about yellow cards and sickness individually.  Yellow cards were awarded to and fro in the football/futbol/soccer (I'll call it soccer from now on) match between FC Barcelona (my team) and Atletico Madrid (a rival), it was pretty heated and if you saw it, you'd think "heated" is an understatement, from the resilience of Atl. Mad.'s goalie, the awesome game point scored by G. Piqué (favorite player), and the horrible accident with L. Messi (arguably the world's best soccer player)'s ligaments in his ankle that caused it to swell like a melon... *shudder*... so that was a great high to me this week and that just pushes me to reach for the Dream even more :)).  Speaking of ailments and such, I've been sick for more than a week now, and to blame is me, my busy-ness, and other outlying factors.  Overall, everyone is getting sick at school, and out, so I'm just happy that my immune system is at its peak and I don't have to stay away from those who are tainted. haha... a little morbid there... but I hope I get better and everyone else too... Advice: don't wash your hands in dirty water... metaphorically of course (what? you think I'd put something irrelevant like that? maybe, but only if i was drunk lmao) G'night

fondants, fears, and fml's...

Well life is certainly doing its job, pressing on me until I reach my breaking point, but I continue to persist and persevere, like most people in America that are alive (no offense to whoever)... so its been about 4-5 days since I started this post, and now its the weekend, a very clear example on how busy I am nowadays... but back to what I can remember and I'll probably make another post after this on more recent things.  The busy-ness and the stress still apply 24/7 and constantly cloud my train of thought.  On Monday, I made yet another majestic (to me) cake using rolled fondant, an experimental thing with me, and I think I got a B on how the cake turned out, and I brought it to Madrigals practice for someone's birthday, all in all though, they liked it.  Small victory? I think so...
Now recently, I think I'm overcoming certain fears, with the help of "target" and some weird dreams, I think I just needed a catalyst to help me overcome my hemophobia (fear of blood), and hopefully after a while and after forgetting about my vivid and audible dream of me slitting the House leader's neck, I'll be fine with blood.  All it took was to mix something very desirable with something so undesirable... And I'd like to thank my friend for telling me his weirdest dream of him getting chased in a Little Red Riding Hood setting by a one-legged cheerleader, knowing that there are those with more bizarre dreams than me.
Now the FML's should just explain themselves, right now I'm in an avalanche of lies and mental sorrow which is not where I want to be... I need to keep my eyes on the prize, and make the most of what I have... which by the way is very little in general... Well I got what I deserved, ah Life please lift me back up in the air...

you think you got it bad?, all i need to know is in a Kaleidoscope Heart, and the time that whizzes by...

Well I think its been about a week since the last post, and my reason is that simply, I'm busy and probably disorganized.  I've been busy with schoolwork, and other stressors that make time move quicker than it really is. So either that or I've been procrastinating very badly/well, the negative one.  Mostly reading books, especially if they have no plot, consumes my time and adds lots of stress to me, and high school already has preliminary stress even before the schoolwork, social duty, and depending on who you are, other additional things.  So I'm just barely hanging on at the moment, but I'm hoping and praying that I do get back on track somehow soon.

Selfishness has its own line that one can cross and be in a darker side, when all you can see is you, is when you've crossed that line, its like a loss of the light around you.  After worrying so much about myself and my stress and issues, I've become blind to certain things.  I've forgotten some important parts of people, like feelings and their stories and such, and I really feel stupid for crossing that line.  Thankfully I realized I was doing this before it grew on me, by listening to a friend's story and "cry for help" (issues and discussing them) and I began to think I was an insensitive douche at first, but then I backed up a bit to see more of the whole picture (metaphorically).  I've been losing humanity after all but in a different way than what I perceived, I started to be insensitive, and all this time I've been pretty ignorant.  Its gonna be difficult to stay away from that line from now on, I need to find ways and means to get as far away from that line as possible, to avoid future coldness.

This Tuesday, Sara Bareilles' new album came out, Kaleidoscope Heart, and I personally say that its amazing!  All the songs on it, are all perfectly written and all her melodies are captivating, it very much overreached my expectations.  So far the songs have connected with me in a way to help me, or capture what I want to say or what I'm feeling at the moment.  I have a feeling that I'm gonna like each and every one of the songs on the record.  Shes done a good job on her sophomore album, now I hope I can replicate that with my school year.  Take a listen to it on YouTube, or buy it on iTunes!  haha, endorsement.

Time is really passing by before my eyes, and I bet they are for you, whoever you are, too!  Times like today just seem to fly past us, I miss the times when I could just relax for a while.  All the stress and activity of present day just seem to accelerate time and preoccupy us, as we know it!  The best thing I can do personally, is to get one step ahead and stay one step ahead.  Never give up, and always hope.  I'm sorry for your loss 9/11, family, and Barça...

saturday night Live (not the satirical show), losing humanity, and the shuffling amish...

Its ironic how I'm doing a post mostly about last night, tonight.  So everything is based on my memory from 24 hours ago, so call it a test for Alzheimer's if you want to, cuz I'm positive that I'll leave something I wanted really wanted to say last night, out.  If you're still reading, thanks haha.  I'll be talking about my Saturday now... Last night was an eventful one for I went downtown to Chicago to the Jazz Festival, I wanna point out that it was partially against my will because I didn't want to go in the first place.  After eating our routine Chinese lunch, my dad and I went to the train station to head to downtown Chicago for the annual Jazz Festival, I only had my iPod and my smartphone with me to keep me entertained when I was bored, and that happened a lot.  At the end of the day, I never really used them during the festival except as a watch, because who would walk around with headphones in their ears at a jazz festival where there's live music everywhere?  It would've just made it much more evident that you didn't belong.  After the train ride (which were the only times I listened to my music), we stepped out onto the streets of Chicago.  To tell you the truth, I actually always feel new to the city whenever I go there, I feel strangely fascinated at almost everything.  We walked about 20 min. of streets and got to the huge park where this event was taking place, we went in listened for a bit of small live performances, then we went to the main stage where there was about to be a band playing, and so we took our seats and for about the next two hours those metal chairs were my best friends.  After the opening ceremonies of the national anthem and some tributes, the concert started and soon enough I found out that they were a Latin Jazz group and so I didn't completely hate it.  My dad kept going away to somewhere, and so I just stayed there trying to stay awake with 3-4 hours of sleep on me, and listened.  The hour went by with me listening, drowsing off to sleep, and then staying awake again, until the last of the set came and another band went up to perform, I started to play around with my phone and continuously checked the time.  I thought it was still mid-afternoon and I started to get irritated, when the concert came to an end and I checked my time once again and found out that I had been looking at Los Angeles time, and so I was actually two hours behind the real time.  That blonde moment realization lifted the stress off me and I calmed a bit.  At about 6:30-7 we left our seats to another stage with contemporary jazz, the kind that I can handle the most and waited for the main act, a saxophonist whose name I cannot recall right at this moment.  After more upbeat and interesting music styles, the main act started and played some songs that I remember hearing a long while ago.  I think that was the most prominent event of the night, either that or the delicious chicken tenders and Arby's-like fries that we ate a while ago, and when it came to an end we headed back to the train station.  After taking another much quicker route, we happened to run across Amish folk, with a choir, and went to eat at a Starbuck's with a revolving door, while enjoying a toffee latte and pumpkin bread some Amish teenagers bought something and as they were leaving, two girls squeezed together into a slot in the revolving door and I laughed inside at how hilarious it looked as they shuffled and shimmied out the door while entrapped with each other in a pocket, so maybe that was the most prominent thing of my night.  Seeing that, we continued heading to the train station and waited.  I still felt a little more hungry and went to get McD's inside the station, and accidentally got a free iced tea!  We boarded the train and headed home for the night.  All throughout the day I've been getting thought bubbles and pangs at random about who I really was, and what I am.  I've been thinking about my objectiveness, fear, and abnormality that I don't really have anything to stand for, except my values of course, but with everything else I don't have opinions nor preferences.  I'm neutral and practically soulless.  I'm a machine.  I'd rather be thinking of solutions than problems though, so I might be trying even more new things to actually "be me" whatever that is.  I'm gonna try to address the elephants in the room at times, to clear air before breathing it in.  I think thats all I have for tonight, so I'll see ya.  I might double up and take new dance classes this week... Bareilles in Two

bad conversations, dips into hopelessness, and objectiveness to the point of nonexistence...

I've been meaning to make another post ever since the middle of the week, and now I'm writing at 3:30 AM at night in the weekend, so that didn't work out too well...  The point is that I'm here now, and I'll try to be meaningful.  The niche of things are that, things in general aren't going so well, at least from my POV.  I'm running into the same or similar issues I had last year in school, and at this point I'm questioning whether its my fault or not.  These issues include my social skill troubles, my spaztic tendencies,  and other things relating to that, like low confidence and stuff, but I'm no stranger to these troubles.  The weekend is my only safe house nowadays, I feel imprisoned whenever I'm at school, for issues bring themselves up at random and frequent times, and so I'm contemplating what to do... I just realized that with all this stress and worry, I forgot to electronically turn in my English paper online... fuck.  Pardon my language, but it'll occasionally show up.  After this ever recent realization, I just want to flee to a quiet and calm place, we all do at times like this, but I'm not one to run or hide from my worries, I like to face them and get them out of the way to stop them from escalating, sadly this one's a bitch.  There's the hopelessness that occasionally gets to me, it subsides but it was there and it leaves a lingering guilt.  Other realizations and conclusions I've made is that, I've been overly objective with just about everything.  I'm as objective as an omniscient narrator using empty adjectives and verbs, just calling what he sees without any judgment or output, almost machine-like.  That may be the cause of multiple worries, but I'm not totally definitive just yet.  I'm not changing for others, but for me, I will do what I can...  Nice racks, haha, 100% random.

dry victories, blind realities, and the nearer future...

Welcome back, or just welcome in general, I'm gonna try to be serious for this particular post, so just a warning ahead of time.  "Time is never on our side", I heard Morpheus say that a while ago, and it started an intermittent train of thought, is time really ever in our favor? The peculiar thing is that this train of thought expanded itself and even joined with others.  Today, in choir, we voted for officers from our class, to help our teacher and help lead us.  We applied beforehand, if we wanted to, and personally I ran for 4 of the 5 possible positions, and to my expectation and content, I lost 3 and withdrew from the 4th to be humble and to avoid further humiliation. I tried to stay away from the mindset that this was all based on popularity and not on honest to goodness, leadership quality, and for now I haven't touched on that yet.  My competition was made of good leaders actually, but with popularity to kick them up a bit in the ranks, so I expected that I would not even win one position, and even placed a bet on it.  I lost the first three, voting not for myself, not even once, to be humble once again, and so I displayed calmness to pique.  Then when it came to the last position, I only had one opponent, and after hearing her input/speech about what she would do if she won, I realized that she possibly and most likely, had more potential than me, so I withdrew my candidacy (with wrong wording, but with humility) and I somehow felt victorious, even without a position on the "board" and having to pay my dues ($1 haha) for breaking rules of my bet (no withdrawing), I felt victorious.  Call me crazy.  I also failed my permit test, I found out yesterday, and so strong humility in two days straight, I think thats a record.  :).

Tonight, I went to my regular hip hop dance class, and while dancing I made one of the most important and objective discoveries I have ever made.  Since making my major mindset transition, about a month ago, I've constantly been thinking things, trying to stay on top of things and overcome as often as I could.  Tonight though, I realized that I've been so caught up in my thoughts, that I've never really truly enjoyed anything without having to worry about something else, that is currently insignificant, then continuing my train of thought, I pieced the puzzle together - adults are so caught up in their worries, that they don't even realize that they're never really truly happy anymore!  Theres always something on a persons mind that lingers, and that thought actually suppresses you from showing your full potential!  So in summary, adults are blinded by their worries, that they don't even know what they're missing, or that they're missing on anything at all!  :/.

Tomorrow, is an important day, tomorrow, is the audition date for the Fall Play, which is a big deal in my life for the arts have been near and dear to me for a while now.  I'm having issues with transportation right now, but hopefully all can be worked out someway, somehow.  Wish me luck!  Noche nit.

reconnecting with the Barkada, school, and the great summer that changed my life... (Part 2)

Ok, so now I finally have time to actually type, after this long hectic week of readjusting sleeping schedules, accustoming to the new school year, and learning to deal with whats handed to you on a silver platter...  in other words, I'm so very lucky to be alive right now, and most thankful.  I'm overreacting if you didn't get the pitch lol. So back to the real parts of the blog post:  I've finally re-established a connection with the Barkada, after a period of tension between the lines, I'm thankful once again, to be back.  But with the results of the sportsfest (which was technically last week), Blue, Azul, did not win, sadly, the Red, Rojo team did, which I am happy about too (my favorite color, next to Blue haha), and I'm proud of my team for the overall effort and sportsmanship.  I'm willing to bear more responsibility when it comes to recreation, the next time something like this comes around though, so things (I hope) will go smoother with me helping.  Now onto school...
High school, the jungle of our lives, gotta deal with it though, and just pass and move on... I wish it was that easy to do.  Classes so far (after a week with them) are meh, as in not very enjoyable, but decent enough to handle for a semester or two, I'm more worried about the students than the subject though, new environments are almost always hard to deal with at first, but who knows where this year will take me?  So still looking up, and trying to stay looking up... And for the final part, the conclusion of - summer.
The summer of 2010, was probably one of the most memorable summers I'll always keep with me.  The most significant event that happened was my mindshift, when I switched mindsets, I matured in the big noggin in a wise way.  I'm happy for the change for so far, its only getting me to hope and work harder every day.  Its not all positives, but for now, I'm only reaping the good.  So that should conclude this two-part blog post, anything else you want to ask or find out, just comment.  Bona Suerte!

reconnecting with the Barkada, school, and the great summer that changed my life... (Part 1)

So for this topic, I've decided to split it up into two parts, because I need to go to sleep asap.  But for Part 1, I'm just going to give the general idea.  Well I got together with the Barkada once again on Sunday for the sportsfest, school starts today/tomorrow and I'm trying to officially end my summer, maybe this is the way to end it, with a blog post.  Well I say, its been a great summer, but I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to explain next time, gotta catch some Z's.  Hasta Entonces...

Mindshifts, accomplishments, and the usual...

Well hello, and welcome back! haha, I might sound a bit jolly and its cause I kinda am.  I'm at my cousin's house right now and I haven't been here for a very long time.  Blogging is turning into a better habit and I need to continue private Vlogging sometime. Recently, things are going pretty plain as of now, except that the last days of summer are on my mind and are right in front of me... Two days, two sacred days to get things done, to get prepared, and to get myself in tune with things.  If you don't know already, I choose to be prepared with most things, and sometimes I don't do a good job of keeping things organized, but in this certain circumstance with procrastination having dealt its damage on me now, I really want to get things done as soon and as concise as possible, with the school year coming up, I will need and might go through a moderate mindshift.

I say mindshift as in, changing certain habits and mindsets to best fit the occasion, and in this case it is the school year.  With recent events and certain limits, its been difficult to get things done.  With the death, the responsibilities, other undisclosed factors, etc. its been a mess for a while now.  But with inevitable changes coming up and happening, I hope and pray that things will just align itself with me and my life.

I've recently made accomplishments from public speaking to managing and leading, from reading a eulogy and a response and filling in for my dad at my grandmother's memorial service, to gaining more responsibility than I can fathom at this point, especially with my Filipino peers (I call them my Barkada) that I haven't been able to see in quite a long time.  Tomorrow, I am leading a team (Blue team!) in a sports festival that is being organized by my church.  I'm really psyched but at the same time, worried, to lead and prove my leadership abilities to both my peers and my church family.  The goal from 9-5 tomorrow, is to win that big hunk of a trophy and get my name (hopefully), and definitely my team, engraved on the metal panel that commemorates the first team (and hopefully, leader) that won the church's sports fest with an actual trophy!  Nonetheless, I continue to dream and to keep going with whatever comes up and overcome obstacles, with God always on my side, so that's the usual.  Buenas Noches.

my Vegas, determination, and getting back on track...

When you get down, the proper reaction would be to get back up again, and if you have the right determination and will, smack the fool that pushed you down in the first place, so that he never messes with you again!  Thats what I'm willing to do now, and hopefully I grow upon my actions to get to higher ground.  The time has come for me to reveal this "place" that is part of the Dream, I'd like to call it my very own Vegas.  An homage to the great singer/songwriter Sara Bareilles, and her song "Vegas" - "Gonna sell my car and go to Vegas, somebody told me, that's where dreams would be...", that place to me is Barcelona, Spain.  You ask why? Well my main purpose is to "retrace my steps", go back to my roots, to where my ancestors once stood, and in my case that is Spain.  Why Barcelona?  The culture thrives there, it is very enticing, and all my life, my happy place has been somewhere on a beach.  I've hesitated telling most people in speculation that some might connect it to some other recent events regarding Spain (World Cup win, Obama's visit, etc.) but in truth, I've been considering the idea of my Vegas for a while now, I just doubted myself for a long time.  The recent events and deciphered signs I've recently gotten and asked for from God, only pushed the thought further into transforming the idea, to a dream, and in the future - a reality.  Hows that for some determination? haha, but I guess this is the key post in this blog.

Now for the news, haha:  following the recent death of my beloved grandmother, tomorrow is her memorial service here in the US, and I'm not completely looking forward to it, for various emotions and reasons.   I've gotten some great successes with penpalling and I (thank God) have people constantly responding.  With the upcoming start of the new school year, I'm just getting back on track, with less than a week left I'm slowly but surely, making progress into getting in sync with the school year and with the times.  Oh the idea of bending time hahaha... Magnífico.

international chatting, sleep deprivation, and extended procrastination...

Today started off with a bang with some surprises while half-under.  After waking up early with only about four hours of sleep on me, I walked my dog and had a nosebleed for either fatigue or lack of sleep, its one of those.  Then after failed attempts to resume sleeping, I ended up going on Facebook.  Shortly after logging on, one of the penpals I met through email that I added, started chatting with me! She was from the "place" and she knew sloppy English, but I know she knows her mother tongue the best.  So after about 2-3 hours, we had talked about the basics, just introductory stuff, like education, interests, and dreams.  With a translator (mine was Google) on our sides, we made it through a good conversation... I literally just left this post hanging for about an hour or two, and theres the uber procrastination problem right now.... I'm just getting by today, and now, I need to get work done.  Adios

silent requiems, procrastination, and preparations...

The day after a solemn day, you never know how to handle it, or maybe you completely know how, it depends on your reverence and mindset... I pray for my grandmother, that she may rest in peace.  As the day progressed today, with me home alone the whole day, I planned it to be a productive one with me preparing for the new school year and the next two days jumpstarting choir once again, but with my procrastination I managed to do very little.  I just hope that tomorrow turns out much better than today, and that I stay away from anything that might avert my focus.  Less than ten days to school, and I'm personally not ready to go back... but its just one of those things we just have to deal with.  Peace.

Invisible grief, shallow joy, and alien troubles...

Its 3 AM once again, and the news of my grandmother's death has had its impact on me and now, I don't know what happened to the grieving process.  So far, I've only cried a bit, but I don't know if I subconsciously pushed grief to the back of my head... I prefer not to talk about it this soon.  To distract me or to uplift my mood though, I watched some comedic videos on YouTube, and I've tried to think of other things.  At the moment, my happiness is lost in a sea of confusion, so hopefully I can find it in due time.  I've made some progress and some consistency with some penpals, not exact matches though, but so far I hope that they're legit people with truthful replies, no phony aliens.  Speaking of aliens, I have to read the Martian Chronicles by Bradbury and as a Sci-Fi fan, it is a pain in the ass. Its required for class so I gotta do it... I realize that this post is a bit scrambled or so, because I'm writing with sleepiness and having symptoms of drunkenness haha.  So I guess I'll pass out now, Bona Nit.

Viva La Vida, Death and all his friends, all without Coldplay...

Life is a delicate thing, I've heard that before countless times, but I can never remember who exactly said that... Live your life to the fullest, thats the principle everyone should live by, coinciding with other good principles too of course, but live like there really is no tomorrow.  Because God knows when you'll pass, and when you do, there will be a chance that others will be pulled down with you, in a sentimental way...  Why am I all of a sudden jumping to this topic? Something that can be called "divine", when this blog is still starting up?

The thing is that I just received word from my mother that death has come knocking on my grandmother's door, and he got inside... To say the least, I don't think I'm grieving just yet, and the reason? I really don't know... I don't choose to be guilty over it, not because of pride, but because of the uselessness of it in these impending times... Call me heartless for all I care, but I surprisingly still have stable control over my emotions, even in the worst times of hardship.  Maybe its selfishness that powers that up, who knows...

Today in a nutshell:  I woke up, wanting to go to church, but could not, watched association football, cooked and ate burgers, and walked my dog... My day just went downhill from there, I pray to God that things at least plateau, I still have faith that it'll be alright in the end...  Thanks Coldplay.

Penpals, sudden rush of worry, and ya...

So this is technically my first legit blog post, that I'm actually writing at 3 AM in the morning (gotta adjust my sleeping schedule...) and I just needed to get things said after being done.

So lately I've been trying to find a penpal to... penpal with.  At the start, I didn't get any legit (good word lol) feedback, so from time to time, I've been looking at websites, signing up for stuff, trying to find someone who will actually put some dedication into this project.  Yesterday, I found another site called Studentsoftheworld(.info) and figured to try it out, and after a day, I think I got about 6 messages or so, but that was also after sending about 20 messages trying to meet people in a certain "place" (that place will be revealed later).  So just now, I've replied to their messages and at the moment, I'm just crossing my fingers that at least one of them replies and that it keeps on going.

Now about that sudden rush of worry... well tonight, I've kept in the back of my head, the thought of my grandmother dying tonight or very very soon, after some interaction between my dad and my aunt in the Philippines (i'm Filipino remember?), I began to worry that reality was about to hit me, smack dab in the kisser... but after some few hours of worrying, I overheard a conversation that clarified that I had nothing to worry about at the meantime.

I think thats all I have to report today, and ya... lol, comment below if you want.

P.S. After some realization, I realized that my job is not to please readers, so that last line of my first post, kinda forgetaboutit.  Cause the only person I need to appease is myself, and God.  So if I waste your time, then sorry, but its not my fault. :)

In the beginning... or shortly after actually

So, every "first" in life is always something new and uncharted, its pretty much a step into the unknown. The outcome, who knows? You can fall into a pit of darkness, or be congratulated by the crowd in your mind made up of clones of you! haha.  So this is the first "official public" blog/post that I've ever done, I've been doing VLOGs for some time now, that I never upload, but they're pretty decent enough to present lol.  I'll get to the point on why I made this blog now...

I made this blog so I can have a way to show the world (not my primary reason) the road to achieving my dream, and I'll say what my dream is - in future posts.  But hopefully I can document significant stuff that goes on in life that may affect me or my goals and Dream, so this blog is probably going to be filled with significant events and thoughts that I hope can be challenged and so I can get some insight on certain things.  In the near future, you'll probably see a lot of school related stuff, thoughts about things (more likely about the Dream), and maybe even people, idk. The future is a mystery.  But that is why this blog is "the road to the Dream", it explains my trials, triumphs, and thoughts about what is currently running through my mind, and I will try NOT TO WASTE YOUR TIME! :)

I'll see you soon