temporarily, approaching the end of the road, and the sacred Strawberry Swing

Most things, (if not, all) things in life are inevitably temporary.  The drink you may be drinking will soon be empty, the moon or sun in the sky will soon go down under the horizon, the people around you will come and go, until the end of time.  Times like these, when you just wanna stand still and stop time, in order to look back in retrospect, all of the things that have got you to this point in time.  For me, its this  end time, for others around me, to just finally pass onto the next stage of their journey through life.  Specifically, the seniors in my high school life, that continue to reach milestones in our little haven called music and theatre.  "For some reason I can't explain, once you've gone there was never an honest word, but that was when I ruled the world..." -CM.  I'm one of the many to go next, it's absolutely difficult to fathom how far I've come in this point in life, and through the people I've met, it's just been a helluva journey.  I'll be dethroned very soon, and the cycle will continue, but it's what makes this life so... entertaining.  Now onto the last point, the sacred Strawberry Swing... again this is inspired by none other, CP, and whenever I listen to the (titular) song, I get a sense of hope that always changes it's form.  It varies from here and there, depending on the occasion, but at the moment, I'm getting the strongest emotions from "sitting" on it.  It always culminates to having the "perfect day", where things just magically line up, for it is God's will after all.  Personally, it's an embodiment of all my troubles, hopes, and thoughts melded into an artistic product.  Sitting on Strawberry Swing, just makes me feel every feeling in the world, but it always ends on a good note... "Now the sky could be blue, I don't mind, without you it's a waste of time..." -CM  (P.S. not stoned, lol) I'll fly away now, a wop bam boom for now... -E

Life in Monochrome: Part 3, traumatic rifts, and the demons that inhabit them all...

I'll be brief with this one, briefer than usual, for I'm writing this at midnight, and I need all the shuteye I can get.  Hell week isn't called hell week for nothing, because some unwanted realities and colors are shown on people.  I'll just go on ahead with the play-by-play... First off, the Life in Monochrome "movement" is a play on a song title by CP, and how it's the opposite of the serendipity I get upon listening to Li-Technicolor 2.  The part 3 is significant since parts are equivalent to years in this case, and I've been living in this black and white societal surrounding for 3 years, with no significant progress, or greater purpose, or long lasting happiness to be found.  I plan to break from this cycle by shattering the window I've been looking through all these parts...  Segue-ing into the second movement, are the consequences of the sudden break from Monochrome.  This is clearly not the first time I've considered this, or anything like this; and if I did act accordingly, it wouldn't be a first either...  The fear of losing is lingering low above by head, and currently it's only descending even further into my character.  The only "explanation" I'll provide is the case of "JB"... en finale, the demons that surround me, are my best friends and by far, my worst enemies.  It's never easy to maneuver along their paved roads, and I'm always getting lost.  Someone find me, please... soon... "I just got lost..." -E

Grease, people, and decisive questionable baggage...

So sorry I've slacked on my commitment to write frequently, but then again, life gets you a lot and you get distracted.  But my bad, and I'm back today.  This one'll be a wake-up call, and I just need to see everything on one table and then line everything up efficiently... The toughie around this time of year, more specifically, this week, is the fact that the school musical, Grease, is premiering on Thursday which is in 3 days... My focus has been directed every which way recently, and I'm just having a hard time with getting things right.  My mind has been an enemy lately either, it doesn't help me by injecting doubt and confusion into my consciousness.  I'll need to step it up with everything, especially Grease as soon as possible, to re-rail myself into the norm.  The ongoing dilemma of my relationships with people are being realized once again, and that could be my biggest downfall in a matter of moments.  I hope and pray that God will steer me in the right direction and keep me energized and going in that direction, optimistically, by the time I have a breakthrough, as soon as possible.  The fact that my mind is throwing a plethora of ideas, thoughts, emotions, etc. willy-nilly all around my cortex, sinks me into the recesses of panic, will hopefully calm itself down in the following days, hours, minutes... reality is so... rampant... Bye for now... -E

(IMEA part 2), euphoria, and inspiration...

Hello universe, and welcome back to... here. Ignore my seeming dullness at the moment, because the sooner I get it out, the better I'll be later on.  So I just actually got back from an amazing festival in Peoria, IL, and I'm pretty much having separation anxiety over the whole experience.  It's only been about two days since it ended, but I'm still attached to the awesomeness that it was.  I met some of the greatest people I've met in a while, listened and performed great music with colleagues of the same passion and talent, and it's just been a magical experience.  I don't know what else to call it.  Now, I'll stop my syrupy speech and try to continue onto other things... Within the weekend, I've had certain highlights.  It's not one of the called topics, but I have a feeling that I must document it.. The first highlight is about a conversation with a friend that opened my eyes a little wider; now him and I were sitting in the bus that was taking us to dinner one night.  We were talking about the great people we met from around the area we live in, from other schools (I'll elaborate next).  But we were comparing/contrasting our school choir with another school's choir down the road (literally).  We initially were talking about the elaborate facts, technicalities, etc.  But once we got to knit-picking within our choir, he dawned some light onto the people I currently hang out with right now.  Personalities were discussed, talent, cooperation, friendliness, was generally the core of that part of the conversation.  I guess the whole point of this was to explain my further progress into adjusting the pedestals around me.  I tend to look up to people upon first impression if it fits them.  Looking further, it's helping me overcome peer-pressure to find the right friends vs. the seemingly right friends.  Speaking of pedestal adjustments, the new people I met over the weekend, I still look up to at the moment.  But specifically with a few people, I was looking up at them to the point that it hurt my neck (metaphorically).   Until I got to meet them face to face, as people, not performers/musicians, and to my surprise (my naivety shines bright here) they were just like any person you'd meet in high school... I must admit that I do want to keep talking to these people, even after the end of the festival, but currently my awk gene is keeping me from having even small talk through text with them... Now to the listed topics:  I've just been in a musical high, like Burning Man with musicianship replacing the nudity and specialties.  This seemingly never-ending euphoria, inspires me to climb higher than I've ever climbed before, makes me realize what I can be capable of, and what I can set out to do... This gives me mixed emotions though; "I'm a jack of all trades, and a master at none" is a quote by one of the famous musicians that was there over the weekend.  This quote specifically struck me.  Not to toot my own horn, but I feel that it applies to me.  I've been a quick and efficient learner all my life, and I can probably do anything at 80%... But knowing how sheltered my mind has been since my childhood, I'm thinking of what I'm really into.  Career wise, hobby wise, etc.  Somehow when I was listening to a specific song by (none other than) Coldplay, the lyrics were:  "

UFO


Lord I don’t know which way I am going
Which way the river’s going to flow
It just seems that upstream I keep rowing
Still got such a long way to go
Still got such a long way to go

And that light hits your eyes
I know I swear we’ll find somewhere
The streets are paved with gold

Bullets fly split the sky
But that's alright sometimes sunlight comes streaming through the holes

the first and last line specifically struck me.  It vaguely fit my situation, and gave me hope.  That the bullets (my experiences [in the past and in the future]) will make holes for sunlight (possible successful possibilities) to stream through.  This let me reaffirm my beliefs in knowing everything will eventually be alright.  Time passes though, I need to get my act together, the sooner the better... Sorry for the tone shifts everywhere in here, cause this is all impromptu by the way... Well, see ya later... -E

I, to the M, to the EA

So this post won't be formal, but it's more like a desperate monologue to the world... Currently I'm under monumental pressure, due to the fact that I'm in Peoria at the moment, here at Illinois Music Educators Association festival... Yadda yadda... But meeting new people, awkwardness creeping in little by little, my ego constantly growing, and just losing my grip on sanity is driving me off the edge... I'll talk about this again soon...

Time wasted, the Waterfall treaty, and what doesn't kill you...

Lately I've been finding myself wasting time on the most unnecessary things.  If I haven't said it before, one of my pet peeves is wasting time.  Knowing that its one of the most precious things in the universe, and especially the fact that its nonrefundable, makes me spend more of It thinking what useful things I can use It on.  Do you follow? It's an ironic paradox, but its also a lengthy dilemma.  I find myself detesting having any personal enjoyment, for example: video games, spending too much time on social networking, watching too much TV, sitting around, etc.  I'm really only satisfied when I've done something productive, but that also brings up the question:  Am I growing up too fast? Then I swing between productivity and dormancy, thinking "I could be doing something more productive".  Hell, I'm thinking this right now as I type this... This all falls under the great unknown of the Future.  I just gotta keep trying, and growing.  < I'm trying to keep that as a basis in life, so I keep progressing and stay satisfied...  Now with the Waterfall treaty, I had the impulse to put this mental note in the open, and so I'll go along with it.  This is me trying to take a risk (soft huh?).  When it comes to opinions, feelings, and anything that I have to conjure on my own (typing that, it's dawned upon me that its a problem... eek), don't expect me to plant my feet firm on any solid ground.  Is it because I choose to avoid conflict? or more specifically, hurt anyone's feelings? I don't try to figure out why, because I'll probably stay soft with such matters.  Anyways.  Feelings.  My own feelings, I don't really display much, unless they're positive of course, but I try to resist showing any negativity to help the world.  But when I do unleash these feelings, it's... a giant hot mess.  Much like a waterfall.  In conjuncture to this, as a Coldplay fan I put two and two together by means of their song "Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall" (you can find this in the Elevator to the side[bar] > ).  What I mean is that when it comes to tears, I don't and won't shed them easily.  Even before the song came out, I've been, you could say... insensitive to the happenings of the world.  I've weathered through deaths, tragedies, depressing or touching moments in films, and such... without shedding a tear.  I may have gotten teary at times, but its been quite a while since I've really cried.  The last time I can remember was last year around graduation time.  But pretty much, the Waterfall treaty is a thought process whenever something a normal or sensitive person might cry about.  If it's emotionally stirring enough to go through the test, I think about how important it is to me, and if it's worth making a show of myself.  I do admit that deaths haven't really stirred me at all much, and I don't know if its just my integrity or if its part of my biochemistry... hah.  Lastly, is what doesn't kill you.  I've found a song, thanks to curiosity and Camrys, with an age old message: "What doesn't kill you... makes you stronger", and I've recently been utilizing that message to hold onto hope and other things... Hopefully it stays, and I grow upon it.  Well that concludes this post.  It's the longest in a while I think... but to change things up, I'll post the songs mentioned in this post below, as a thank you.  Haha, keep looking up everyone.  Good night.. -E

a man named Gloria who's losing, tethering hipsterville, and the three day epiphany...

I'm just gonna right off the bat, say that this is the most impromptu blog post I've done so far, so deal... I'll just start with the audience.  I think the reason I've been doing this [blogging] in the first place, is that I wanna feel like there's always an audience that's always listening, even if that may not be true, it gives me a sense of importance.  Now that I'm showing my insecurites, that's just how I like to do things :P.  You may also wonder what the title is cluing at, the first part was a random thought while I was dishwashing, and I thought it was ridiculously ironic, which leads into the second part.  I've been hanging around this doorframe for a while now, I don't know if its my environment, or its truly what I'm into, but I'm constantly finding myself parallel to the invisible line of hipster interests.  It's been a bandwagon topic for some time now, so I wanna shove that possibility out of the way, but my interests have been slowly aligning themselves towards that.  Expanding upon this, I'm getting increasingly concerned with details, writing, and as always, time concerns.  That's as far as I'll expand on this.  Now to the last part; with these past three days being some kind of miracle sent from God to show me details that I wasn't really wanting, but they've become Easter eggs.  Starting with Friday night midnight, I was watching a Swedish documentary about Coldplay's "Viva La Vida" (you'll start to see them pop up everywhere from this point on), and I found a lot of things in it, very serendipitous.  The placement of music, the worldly connections, chilling images, and most importantly the connection between Coldplay and FC Barcelona.  I've kinda floated away from the latter platform, but its peculiar on how things interconnected in a really obvious and immediate kind of way.  Past that, another interesting thing I thought up, was after watching a certain romantic comedy, I looked on Facebook and saw lots of similarities with the plotline and real life.  In retrospect, I'm pretty sure it was just a ridiculous coincidence, but I don't wanna jinx any other mystical realizations I may come across in the future.  I'll end this post now before I get too high off of oxygen, and write like a 4/20-er.  Auf wiedersehen(?) [dedicated to a departing friend, who I'm starting to doubt]... -E

Love don't let me go, re-intros, and the endless time stream

How's it going everyone? Lol, if there really is anyone here... but I'm not gonna go into that right now.  I wanna apologize for being gone again, cause this blogging thing is really a habitual learning process that I can't seem to upkeep.  I made this blog about two years ago, to vent, to talk about random things, to express what I could never express through my mouth.  I really don't know where I'm going with this, but the more words, the more work :))... oh yeah!, it's really my haven to be myself, let my voice be heard by the invisible masses, and whatever else you can think of...  A major change I'm gonna try to attempt and sustain, is to keep it non-depressing, and not too much nagging.  Looking back at some things, I just ranted at a wall for reasons that weren't really there [that much].  Now I'm gonna stop blabbering, and get to the meat and potaters of this reintroduction into the blogosphere.  Since last May (the last post [right?]), I've really started to become more comfortable with myself and who I am, the identity crisis (thank God) has finally resolved itself, and assertiveness is what I aim for [constantly].  I've developed a love for the one and only, Coldplay, and its my new PCP [music is also a drug :P].  I've really let go of caring what others may think of me, but I can still be such a pushover at times, but again, its all a process.  Time continues to be my best friend, and my mortal enemy.  The Clocks [haha, 'twas playing while I was typing this] in my head all contradict each other.  I rejoice the fact that I have time to change, and wait, and be patient for what I can't really control in life.  On the other hand, I worry about the fact that I can't backpedal to the times where I could have genuinely enjoy life to the fullest, and also the blatant fact that it goes by so fast that regrets start to slowly ooze into my thoughts.  Well I think I've accomplished the purpose of this blog post:  finally update, write something write-worthy, and write in quality AND quantity.  I'll be back soon, or maybe even in the next half of the year, but thanks for bearing with me Internet.  I appreciate your attentiveness.  Sorry for the comma splices.  Cheerio -E