Time wasted, the Waterfall treaty, and what doesn't kill you...

Lately I've been finding myself wasting time on the most unnecessary things.  If I haven't said it before, one of my pet peeves is wasting time.  Knowing that its one of the most precious things in the universe, and especially the fact that its nonrefundable, makes me spend more of It thinking what useful things I can use It on.  Do you follow? It's an ironic paradox, but its also a lengthy dilemma.  I find myself detesting having any personal enjoyment, for example: video games, spending too much time on social networking, watching too much TV, sitting around, etc.  I'm really only satisfied when I've done something productive, but that also brings up the question:  Am I growing up too fast? Then I swing between productivity and dormancy, thinking "I could be doing something more productive".  Hell, I'm thinking this right now as I type this... This all falls under the great unknown of the Future.  I just gotta keep trying, and growing.  < I'm trying to keep that as a basis in life, so I keep progressing and stay satisfied...  Now with the Waterfall treaty, I had the impulse to put this mental note in the open, and so I'll go along with it.  This is me trying to take a risk (soft huh?).  When it comes to opinions, feelings, and anything that I have to conjure on my own (typing that, it's dawned upon me that its a problem... eek), don't expect me to plant my feet firm on any solid ground.  Is it because I choose to avoid conflict? or more specifically, hurt anyone's feelings? I don't try to figure out why, because I'll probably stay soft with such matters.  Anyways.  Feelings.  My own feelings, I don't really display much, unless they're positive of course, but I try to resist showing any negativity to help the world.  But when I do unleash these feelings, it's... a giant hot mess.  Much like a waterfall.  In conjuncture to this, as a Coldplay fan I put two and two together by means of their song "Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall" (you can find this in the Elevator to the side[bar] > ).  What I mean is that when it comes to tears, I don't and won't shed them easily.  Even before the song came out, I've been, you could say... insensitive to the happenings of the world.  I've weathered through deaths, tragedies, depressing or touching moments in films, and such... without shedding a tear.  I may have gotten teary at times, but its been quite a while since I've really cried.  The last time I can remember was last year around graduation time.  But pretty much, the Waterfall treaty is a thought process whenever something a normal or sensitive person might cry about.  If it's emotionally stirring enough to go through the test, I think about how important it is to me, and if it's worth making a show of myself.  I do admit that deaths haven't really stirred me at all much, and I don't know if its just my integrity or if its part of my biochemistry... hah.  Lastly, is what doesn't kill you.  I've found a song, thanks to curiosity and Camrys, with an age old message: "What doesn't kill you... makes you stronger", and I've recently been utilizing that message to hold onto hope and other things... Hopefully it stays, and I grow upon it.  Well that concludes this post.  It's the longest in a while I think... but to change things up, I'll post the songs mentioned in this post below, as a thank you.  Haha, keep looking up everyone.  Good night.. -E